Shame

It is amazing the things we learn about ourselves, when we are honest and face things head on.

I’ve honestly been having the best week so far in who knows how long, because I sure couldn’t tell you. I’m happy with myself and although my personal problems aren’t all fixed I am honestly happy. Weird, isn’t it?

I have been on the verge of creating a blog for fellow domestic violence victims, for a couple of months now. Ask me why, but all of a sudden last week I was serious and did a lot of research and jumped right in it and was soooo motivated to write. Frankly, the more I write the stronger I feel each passing day, which could be the reason I have been feeling happy…I’m no longer hiding. But that’s not necessarily true.

When my goal of creating a blog became more realistic last week, I noticed I was writing on Instagram about a project I was working on. My followers/friends on Instagram kept messaging me asking what I was up to, but I never ever mentioned a blog. Just said a project.

Today, I realized it wasn’t the blog part that I’m ashamed for even though I’m broadcasting I’m working on something. In reality, what I’m ashamed for is for people that actually physically know me to know the reasons why I changed. Why, I simply up and left my job. Why, I stopped wearing a ring. Why, I simply stopped being me.

I’m not saying creating this blog and talking about me and my life was easy, because it still took me months to get to where I am today. However, it is certainly different in regards to welcoming total and complete strangers into your life and world, which includes your past, present and future.

Never in a million years, would I have thought of creating a blog or most importantly been in a relationship that completely represented the opposite of what I always said I didn’t want. Reality is that words are words, but when you are presently in a moment, you’ll never know what choice you will make until you are finally in that moment.

We always think ahead about our future with clear minds and without emotions or other factors like family or money. Truth is that when that moment comes you mind and emotion won’t be clear or perfect for the situation.

Bottom line is that each day that passes by my shame continues to lessen and I know soon enough I will not be afraid to unmask myself in front of my friends/followers on Instagram.

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