Deception

People look at this cat and think, “Oh, he’s so cute!”. But he only sees a small space with a see through glass and three walls minimizing his experience and environment. Trapped all day with no way to get out if he wanted to and breathe real fresh air when stretching.

This is how I feel at times.

Looks can be deceiving and very deceptive. We may put on a smile and laugh like we’re happy and enjoying ourselves but really you’re living in terror of what they’ll do next or are you good enough for anyone else? Is there a future with anyone else or are you to live the rest of your life alone? Who could possibly love you with all your flaws and abused self? Who will say words with true natural meaning? Who? Why? When? How? These are the questions I ask myself on a daily basis. These are the thoughts I think on a daily basis.

I feel shattered, abused, deceived, betrayed, lied to, ridiculed, but worst of all taken advantage of.

He took my trust, unconditional love, care, dreams, confidence, dedication, support, finances and goals.

I want to love, trust, believe and most importantly enjoy life.

I honestly hate to think I could live until my 60s, maybe more. I think 37 is long enough. I like to think I will make it to 37 with a different attitude, perspective and lifestyle. But that’s too far to really see.

I recently started to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it is just a glimmer. The glimmer of hope; enough to keep you breathing but weak enough to barely walk on your own two feet. This is where I am today.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s