Slow Motion

Iv’e been dealing with a lot of lows the past nine months. Recently, I have noticed a change in mood. From depressive mood, thoughts, and feelings to up and downs. I like to think thats a good thing because at least some good is happening, right?

I actually reached out to a trainer and she set me up with a three day trial, which truly changed my life. Seriously though! I was focused, had goals, and achieved every single one within those three days. Even though I had one bad day at work, I still had energy and didn’t actually let it ruin my whole day per say, which was nice for a change.

So of course yesterday, the day after the trial ended, I sunk low. Not really low, but pretty low. I got home from work and did a few errands before beginning my little workout. I knew I didn’t feel right the moment I got home though, but why?

Here is why — I’ve come to realize that when you’re not ready to date everyone seems to be attracted to you (at least that’s how it happens to me). However, I noticed through it all, that I somehow managed to become interested in someone from work.

Fast forward one month I finally worked the nerve to want to tell this person how I felt, but before I could spill the beans he was extremely honest in regards trying to amend his relationship with his ex. Woah! Blindsided much. Yeah, so its not my first rejection (trust me), but honestly I wasn’t too upset at it not being mutual… I mean I was a bit down for the rest of the evening until I got to my second job. But what I took out of it was that, I WAS ACTUALLY INTERESTED IN SOMEONE EMOTIONALLY.

I honestly smile thinking about it, because it means that I’m actually healing. I can actually tell. Even though, I’ve been slowly getting back to my normal routines, in regards walking the dog and now recently becoming a gym member. It is amazing to actually know, I can be attracted to others. However, that doesn’t mean I will open and pour my heart out to anyone. In regards to that, there is no light at the end of the tunnel …not yet, but maybe one day.

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