I sit here tonight, alone with two dogs. But they aren’t just any two dogs. They are my children. My sweet baby Dash (Dachshund) and big baby Case (German Shepherd).

Due to my vehicle being at the shop and me not having my own transportation prohibited me from working today and tomorrow.

If I wasn’t on my run with Case or a walk with Dash, I have spent the day on the couch taking care of job applications or training for a volunteer position I’m aiming for.

I’ve been watching TV for most of the day but in between episodes or whenever something relates to my previous career or my personal life it takes me away from here. I get lost in thought.

I realize there is no one more loyal than my sweet babies. Whenever I think of them, I remember that dark night of January 31, 2019. They felt my pain. My trauma. I can’t imagine how things would’ve been different had they not been there. I think about Dash and how he reacted that night I was laying in bed when he struck me and he became scared and ran away towards the opposite direction but still remained within my reach.

Sometimes it breaks my heart to see how he bundles up with me and is always near me one way or the other a small or big portion of my body touches his body.

Case melts my heart when another dog or a person or persons come near me and he purposely blades his body in front of me and tries to block me from others. Its a sweet and sour feeling to know your dogs are just as traumatized as I am but not for themselves but for me.

Let alone they have separation anxiety from each other, I can’t imagine how we’ll be when I leave for a few days to Texas without them. It’ll be the first time we’ll be separated, but luckily I found someone that can care for both of them and they’ll at least have each other.

Sometimes, I feel like I’m not the best mother, because we humans tend to hurt those that love us the most when we’re sad, angry and upset. I’m not perfect and I’m still healing, that much has been made clear and obvious to me. Sometimes I feel stuck. There are some career fields that interest me, but I have thrown to the burner because of my dogs.

I have been sad on and off for the past week, because I feel so alone and that makes me feel like I’m betraying their love and affection. No one has shown more loyalty to me and my heart than Dash and Case. My life has been turned upside down, but what definitely gets me home at the end of the night is them and only them. No one else.

It is amazing how one look from one of them can touch my heart and soul and I will always be forever grateful to have such loving companion. They are the one and only reason to come home every night.

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