Oh boy. When you think you start to have it figured out and you walk in to counseling thinking they just have to hit the hammer on the nail one last time… NOPE!
First session involved a lot of forms and questionnaires to help the counselor establish a baseline for my situation and therefore create a respective 12 session schedule. Of course if anything happened prior to my next session we would amend to assist my needs. Fair, right?
I am honestly pretty excited about it. The counselor is also the one that leads the group sessions and I also took the time to explain why I was no longer attending them. Great thing about it is that she also noticed I was getting angry and/or agitated in group the last few sessions. I thought it was because I was comparing my situation to others and finding that theirs were so minimal compared to mine but she went further to explain that my situation was completely different from everyone else’s because I actually set hard boundaries from my abuser unlike everyone else in group that still communicates, live with or even sleep with their abuser. Something I couldn’t even fathom after everything that happened.
I couldn’t tell you how I would react if I saw him again. Even in court, I would avoid all peripheral contact if I could help it. That’s how scared and completely freaked out I am by him.
Until this day, it amazes me how you think you know someone after living with them and seeing their good and bad but some are complete and serious pathological liers that will deceit and lie their way through anything and everyone. I think that’s what hurt the most is that I believed him and gave him the benefit of the doubt way too many times.
I broke all of my rules for this person and they proved me that my rules were there for a reason. This is why I will never trust, belief or allow myself to love anyone else or even let anyone in through my walls.