Waking Up

You know for some waking up is just annoying because they want 10 more minutes of sleep or an hour or just want to sleep in and get up when they feel like it.

Some of us don’t want to wake up because we want to be dead or kinder words would be don’t want to exist anymore.

Why wake up? Why go through another empty day where you won’t receive any emotions from anyone you give a damn or matters to you.

Why wake up, to repeat the same bullshit.

I’m not going to lie, I literately had a dream of cutting myself and just watching it bleed.

I mean how fucked up do you have to be to have a Dream like that. I know I am because since then I’ve been thinking about cutting myself.

Last night, I wanted to cry. I looked at my Dachshund and just watched him curled up next to me sleeping triggered the feelings of everything I’ve been through. Everything we’ve been through.

I just wanted to hold him and let it all out.

So I sat and just looked at him and petted him, contemplating it, but I told myself no one deserves my tears and went to bed.

Waking up though, it seemed my body didn’t like that decision because I literately wanted to cry. The entire drive to school, I literately wanted to cry.

But my mind won, for the first time.

So here I am.

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