I know its been awhile, but it has been a rollercoaster of a week.
A few days ago, someone I had considered a really special friend, whom I actually said goodbye to in this blog in January, reached out to me.
I couldn’t respond with happiness to be quite honest, because I had moved on. I had said goodbye and when I say goodbye, its forever.
I expressed how hurt I was when he just disappeared without any notice or response to any of my last texts in December, but he says it was a miscommunication and was truly sorry for the misunderstanding.
I told him to forget about me because I just couldn’t trust or believe in him, like I did before. He said, he understood if I never wanted to talk to him again, but wanted to make sure I understood he didn’t mean for it to end the way that it, but he would respect my decision if that’s what I wanted. I said, I needed time.
Its been two or three days. The first day I was really confused because I was in the same position I was in before, in regards, giving someone a second chance and attempt to rebuild something, in this case, our friendship. Yesterday, I barely gave it a thought except after my run and I still decided against it. Today, I didn’t even think about it until I started to log in and draft up this post.
To be frank, I choose to not be insane. I won’t repeat the same mistakes I made in the past. Like I told him, the last person I gave a second chance was my old partner who was there for me during my separation and when I was at my lowest. He knew he fucked up and crossed the line. The difference between my old partner and this friend is that he recognized the mistake and repeatedly reached out to me to talk to him and that he was sorry and that he knew it wasn’t his place to have done what he did. We recovered that friendship, although, I don’t talk to him about things like I used to, but we’re friends and he’s always been there without a second thought when I needed to run away and crash at his place. That impacts me strongly. Someone whom I can call in the middle of the night, will answer and say, “You can come over but it’s messy…”.
I care about the little things in life, because those are the things that go unnoticed by most, but I value them so much and quite frankly tell me more about a person than anything else.
So old friend, I without apology, will not give a second chance to that special friendship we had and once shared. I cannot trust you and I cannot believe you won’t disappear from my life when I need you most.
And I’m okay with that. I really am. It’s for the best.
I’ve changed so much in the past three months, not only as person but in regards to my life and stability.
I may forgive, but I never forget.