Some of y’all may know who Jessie Reyes is and some may not. In short, she is of Columbia descent but raised in Canada by her parents who relocated there before she was born.
I bring this up because “When Love Came to Kill Us All” is the title of her album, which she released about a month ago.
I’ve been listening to the album pretty much daily because each of the lyrics completely resonate to what I’ve been through with my ex-husband or simply in life in general.
But if the title alone doesn’t resonate with you don’t bother continuing to read this post, because everything adds up to “When Love Came to Kill Us All”.
Many who have experienced domestic abuse, sexual harassment, sexual assault, stalking, harassment, mental abuse from a loved one, whether is a spouse, friend or family member and developed mental health problems from the abuse whether repeated or not can comprehend the following.
100% of us did not dream as little girls to be abused by someone or multiple people.
We didn’t wake up and say, I want someone to put their hands on me and mistreat me.
We didn’t ask for a two-face prince or princess to abuse us physically and/or mentally.
Most us just want to be loved like we love the other.
Most of us want someone who will fulfill their role as an uncle, father, mother, sister, brother, friend, best friend, partner, boyfriend, husband, etc.
We want someone that will do as they say or say nothing at all and just do.
It’s pretty simple. Yet, us humans have a way of making things more complicated than it has to be.
When love came to kill us all is when we meet, welcome, and allow someone into our lives and let them repeatedly abuse us and do whatever they want to us.
Because we whole heartedly love them. We gave every square inch of our body, heart, soul and mind.
They play games with us and we forgive them time and time again.
We’re not blind to the pain they bring us and the tears we shed for them.
We remember each individual event and the pain we felt so vividly. Sadly, some of us have to hit rock bottom to realize the piece of human being that coincides with us. Others, walk away after one or two incidents. Some only leave in a body bag, while others never leave.
I was the one that allowed a few incidents to happen. My mind just simply recognized and accepted that he was never going to stop being an alcoholic lying is everyone’s fault but mine narcissist. But that was after he dragged me off the couch and got on top of me cutting off any air and I couldn’t breathe to even scream or talk and I married him two months later. That was after all the money had been spent yet there was alcohol bottles empty and full found all over in hidden spots throughout the house. That was after he blindsided me and hit me in my ribs leaving me bruised for weeks. That was after going to counseling and seeing him break his promise to the counselor within a week and lie about it to my face for weeks. That was after seeing a Star is Born which literately represented our relationship, but it didn’t affect him at all. He continued to abuse alcohol like it was water or me really.
I knew then that I was done. All of a sudden my switch turned off and I became numb to his apologies and bullshit lies.
That about sums up the most crucial events that occurred and had to occur for me to finally say enough is enough. I’m done.
But that was only the beginning of a long road to recovery.
The aftermath didn’t begin to sink in until four months after he legally had to leave the house.
I have been on my own for a very long time. I’ve always managed to stay strong and push through whatever was thrown at me, which made me very independent at a very young age.
When love came and it killed it all. All I wanted to do was kill myself, because I couldn’t cope with the PTSD, the anxiety, depression and loss of what once was my dream job.
In a sense I had it all when I was with him. From the outside looking in that’s what everyone thought. That’s what I thought too.
But in the inside, I was dying — he was killing me softly.
So if there is anyone out there still living and coping with their abuser. Please see the signs. Open your eyes and recognize the human being that shares your space. Don’t allow love to kill you and destroy your life, mind and soul.
Before love comes and kills us all, know the signs and don’t be afraid to question it if and when you see them. Open communication is the most important tool all of us have and need to use, but properly.