Lessons Learned

Hello, I woke up this morning thinking about blogging and then I started listing all of these flags and lessons I should have learned and have learned from my most recent relationship, but here are all lessons learned, up to today. Have a laugh for me, and hopefully you’re not settling for someone that treats you like this.

Lesson 1: If your partner lies to you two or more times. Walk away. The first lie is an impulse to protect themselves out of fear or humiliation. We are humans and humans have automatic reactions unless heavily trained under law enforcement or military to do crazy shit. But truth is that once a person lies once and you call them on it, they shouldn’t lie anymore. In fact, they will show respect towards you and your relationship by being honest and truthful, especially if you are asking a question. When a person decides to continue lying to you, it is a choice. Choices are made by thinking and even if you didn’t think about the choice before the lie, I’m sure you thought about it after lying, but you never came back and owned it. You never came back to admit that hey, what I said earlier or last week was a lie. So save yourself further embarrassment, humiliation and trust issues and walk away.

Lesson 2: If your partner constantly brags about his past. Lets get something straight. Unless you’re a virgin or have never been a relationship, I don’t expect you to have much of a history or past with any other partners. But if I know, you’ve lived the swipe, POF or whatever else life, then I know you have a past and probably a long history of shit you’ve done and a long list of who you’ve done. But here is the thing, no one needs to know about that shit. We all have a past, and is in the past for a reason, so why bring this up now. Why do you feel the need to brag about who you’ve done or how many threesomes you’ve had or could’ve had? No one cares. The only thing you’re doing is causing your partner to feel completely insecure, inferior and even potentially threatened because if they don’t have that experience or confidence you are hurting them. Again, the past is in the past, if you want to be with one of those people then go find them and don’t waste or hurt your partner by bringing shit up from the past.

Lesson 3: If your partner doesn’t present you to his friends and family as his girlfriend. Ladies, ladies, ladies. That is a huge red flag. If he doesn’t even present you to his friends or family, that’s a problem. If he brings you somewhere and leaves you behind all alone while he is mingling with his buddies, that’s a sign. Get a clue, girl. He is either ashamed, embarrassed or doesn’t want to publicly make it known that he isn’t off the market. Walk away. That is one of the worst humiliations you can allow to not only happen once, but twice or more.

Lesson 4: If your partner omits things to you. First of all, omission is the same as lying and men, especially will argue that it is not. Let’s think about this for a second. When a person omits something, that means that they are literally having a conversation or argument with you and while they are speaking or yelling, they PURPOSELY omit something, therefore hiding the truth, therefore LYING. Do you really want to be with someone that can’t be honest to you? If a person can’t be truthful about the little things, what makes you think he’ll be honest about the big, important things?

Lesson 5: If your partner is constantly wanting to know everything that is going on with you or what you’re doing, but they barely share a piece of their life unless you drag it out of them. Red flag! Big time. This is the number one sign of someone that will want to control and rule everything that happens within the relationship. Don’t let yourself be pushed around by their misguided “thoughtfulness” and “concerns”. They just want to make sure that your relationship isn’t being broadcasted so no one can whisper in your ear that there is way too much involvement by your partner.

Lesson 6: If your partner is continuously making you seem like the angry monster that is always wrong. Red flag. In the beginning you’ll start to think that maybe you are over reacting and you begin to see their point in the argument. Then after awhile, you start to feel like you’re the crazy one because somehow, someway, it’s always your fault. It’s always your responsibility to keep your shit together, yet nothing ever falls on them. Guess what? You’re not crazy. Everything you’re feeling is for a reason, don’t let them create a new narrative in your head because once they do you’ll believe it and you’ll be stuck and trapped in this never ending cycle, unless you snap out of it and run. Run far away as quick as you can.

Lesson 7: If your partner constantly brings up your flaws (small or big). He or she is a bully. Is one thing, if they are simply bringing something up to you, like hey were you aware that you do this every time this happens or whatever. But is another to constantly tell your love one, man you got this pimple that just keeps getting bigger and bigger. Like why? I’m sure we all wash our faces once or twice and brush our teeth once or twice so we obviously see our face at least once or twice a day, so is pretty safe to say that we will know if there is anything on our faces, but at the end of the day, so what? That is obviously a small example, but if a person continuously hear something like that it can cause a person to feel self conscious about themselves. I’m a pretty self-confident person. I don’t care to impress others. I’m pretty comfortable in my own skin, but there was a time that I was pretty self conscious about my ex seeing certain parts of my body because he continuously acted grossed out about something but would turn it around with I’m just concerned about you. Really? That’s you being concerned? Bottom line don’t allow anyone to make you feel self conscious about your natural self. We all have scars from something, wear them proud. We all have natural beauty marks, wear them proud. Whomever feels the need to continuously tell you about your flaws is because they themselves are self conscious and reflect it on you or they simply are a bully that don’t know when to mind their own business. You can tell them I said that too.

Lesson 8: When your partner acts like they have no emotions. It could mean two things, they literally have no emotions and they’re a sociopath or psychopath = they need mental counseling and there is nothing you can do for them or they’ve gone their entire life keeping their emotions hidden from others that it has become natural for them and you sadly aren’t the key to unlocking them. I strongly believe that if a person wants to change and amend their ways for better is because they want to and we always hope and want to be the reason a person stops abusing drugs or alcohol or actually express themselves, but sweetie if you don’t motivate him to at least try and stick to it that’s an answer in itself on how much you mean to him and on the value of the relationship. I know it’ll be hard to accept that in the beginning. Trust me. I was married to an alcoholic that would lie to my face as I was holding the empty bottle I found hidden in the attic. I was in a relationship that appeared one sided because he couldn’t express himself and even if I expressed something he couldn’t retain that information. Don’t ever let a man or woman make you feel so small that an ant is physically bigger than you. Please don’t. I promise you, you can love and care for yourself just fine. But most importantly, if you’re doing what YOU want to be doing in life, you will most certainly cross path with someone who is doing the same and truly wants to give you the world.

Queens aren’t made by someone else being by their side, they are either born or created through struggle and grip. Be a fucking Queen. Don’t settle.

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