What a beautiful feeling it is to think you’ve made it and are leveled with your partner, until you are shown you’re not. What a heart breaking feeling it is to have that glass house shattered by few words said by your partner. Oh what a feeling. I have anger problems from time to time. … Continue reading In the Dirt
So of course today is November 21, but my lovely brain decided to freak out a whole week and now a day before the dreadful day. Tomorrow marks the day of the first and most impactful and traumatizing day that my ex-husband put his hands on me. It all started when we were supposed to … Continue reading Remember Remember the 22nd of November
I am faced with the same situation, emotionally. There are so many thoughts running through my head, yet I feel nothing. Yesterday did it for me. I hit the “enough is enough”. I’m over it. I have tried so hard to be open-minded, non judgemental, and understanding, but it seems like that’s no enough. I … Continue reading Numb
We all live in a world were memories are made each and every second we are alive. Some are good. Some are bad. Some are forgotten. Some will live with you for the rest of your life. Some will affect you everyday. Some will affect you sometimes. Some can easily destroy you from within whether … Continue reading Past or History?
I purposely question and make a point to let others know that it’s okay if they don’t mean or feel a type of way, because it helps me defer the smallest thought or glimpse of hope that someone may actually care about me in any shape or form. It’s called deflecting and it’s my way … Continue reading Am I Selfish?
What if after all the hurt, pain and disillusions, your heart itself isn’t capable of love anymore? Your mind dreams it, thinks of it and desires it, yet the opportunity presents itself and you lack actual attachment. You lack the actual want to succeed with it. Yet, jealousy and bad vibes surround everything that could … Continue reading When You Don’t Believe in Love Anymore
Hey, it’s me. The older you. I want you to know that all that strength, independent mindset you have will take you a long way. You will not have a fairytale story. You will deal with a lot of disillusions, heartbreak, and betrayal by many, especially those you will hold highly and mighty. Take comfort … Continue reading A Letter to my Younger Self
I look in the mirror I see a body I see a face, I do not recognize. The smile is different The face is different The eyes are different I see a body but no soul I see eyes but no spark I see a face but no glow I see a human but no … Continue reading May 6, 2020
Everyday last week, I would lay down in bed at the end of the day and start thinking, “If I die today...” but I could never finish the sentence. It really just made me feel like I most be the most lonesome person to literately have nothing to apologize, thank, say, feel or think. Since … Continue reading If I Die Today…
A year ago around this time many life changing events happened. My last official day as a Law Enforcement Officer, but more appropriately as a Deputy Sheriff with the authority of the Sheriff’s Office was April 14, 2019, which happened to be a Sunday, which also happened to be my birthday. But before April 14, … Continue reading A year ago…