Hopelessness is the worst feeling in the world, honestly. I’ve felt hopeless once before and that was after separating from my ex-husband and drowning in debt, stress, paranoia, hurt, mental and physical exhaustion. When I no longer felt a reason to live. When I felt alone in this huge ass world. When I felt ashamed … Continue reading Hopelessness
Tag: movingforward
In the Dirt
What a beautiful feeling it is to think you’ve made it and are leveled with your partner, until you are shown you’re not. What a heart breaking feeling it is to have that glass house shattered by few words said by your partner. Oh what a feeling. I have anger problems from time to time. … Continue reading In the Dirt
Remember Remember the 22nd of November
So of course today is November 21, but my lovely brain decided to freak out a whole week and now a day before the dreadful day. Tomorrow marks the day of the first and most impactful and traumatizing day that my ex-husband put his hands on me. It all started when we were supposed to … Continue reading Remember Remember the 22nd of November
Numb
I am faced with the same situation, emotionally. There are so many thoughts running through my head, yet I feel nothing. Yesterday did it for me. I hit the “enough is enough”. I’m over it. I have tried so hard to be open-minded, non judgemental, and understanding, but it seems like that’s no enough. I … Continue reading Numb
Doubt
Since the beginning of this relationship, I've felt strength, healing and security within myself. But within this past few weeks, I've felt doubt loom over me. I've felt doubt creep around me. I've felt doubt within me. Although, we both care about a healthy living, there are a few things that separate us, although these … Continue reading Doubt
Past or History?
We all live in a world were memories are made each and every second we are alive. Some are good. Some are bad. Some are forgotten. Some will live with you for the rest of your life. Some will affect you everyday. Some will affect you sometimes. Some can easily destroy you from within whether … Continue reading Past or History?
Am I Selfish?
I purposely question and make a point to let others know that it’s okay if they don’t mean or feel a type of way, because it helps me defer the smallest thought or glimpse of hope that someone may actually care about me in any shape or form. It’s called deflecting and it’s my way … Continue reading Am I Selfish?
To My Future Daughter
I never told you about fairytales, because they don’t exist. I never told you about Santa Claus or Los Tres Reyes Mago, because they don’t exist. But what does exist is my love and devotion for you What does exist is heroism and cowardness What does exist is a world full of chaos Love and … Continue reading To My Future Daughter
A year ago…
A year ago around this time many life changing events happened. My last official day as a Law Enforcement Officer, but more appropriately as a Deputy Sheriff with the authority of the Sheriff’s Office was April 14, 2019, which happened to be a Sunday, which also happened to be my birthday. But before April 14, … Continue reading A year ago…
Almost two years…
I lay here with Dash in my arms. Remembering the countless sleepless nights I laid on the couch to sleep because my own bed was no longer comfortable. My own bed was no longer a place I could lay and fall asleep. I was succumbed by terror, fear, anguish, paranoia, hurt, panic and disbelief of … Continue reading Almost two years…
